Phantom Blades

Brunstyrr Ulf Vigar the Seditious Heretic of Treason Destroyer
"The Show Must Go On!"
After a Challenge— one that I CANNOT recall— I learned the whereabouts of the Goblin King and Hell Bred King. The groups splits into two groups and take care of them.

Once we had dealt with the kings we returned to Death for our next assignment. He told us to seek out Washington of the Theives Guild— he would brief us on our mission when we arrived.
Some doors were broken— I do not remember if it was us who broke them or not— But we found Washington and he gave us our mission.
The group sets off for the Vahallan Islands to obtain Wisdom’s Staff, but soon learn that Ulf is wanted for multiple counts of heresy, sedition, and treason.
Tearing through Space and Time we appear in front of the cave entrance— olddly enough, in the center of town where thousands of Nord solders were gathered.
I quick haste Callum makes himself and Bob into a disguise for Ulf. Quite a few solders were sent over to investigate us. I tell the solders we were a performing comedy act— corrected by Malibar into a Circus act— and the Nords quickly rush us to an already assembled stage to see our performance.
Volke vanished long before we were ever discovered and Vier got out of performing by stealing the manager card. Malibar and Callum made short but highly spectacular acts before disappearing to help Volke search for the staff leaving Ulf and I to distract the Nord soldiers.
Strangely enough, Ulf did not need a disguise, he was able to brush off any soldier’s thoughts of arresting him with few words. Ulf then encouraged the entire square to join him in song in hopes to keep the soldiers preoccupied.
I saw a man who just seemed to want a cookie more than anything in his life…

The Drow King's Parade

After gaining our new mission to kill the Drow King the group has a random encounter will a watertype fog monster but we defeat it quickly. I found a scroll with the seal of the Drow kingdom on it. Callum was able to decipher some of the scroll.

We stop in a small village. Callum and I “gain” new relatives. Villagers start disappearing. I sensed something was wrong and told the others. Eventually we discover a small group of skillful Ninjas. I managed to kill one with a sightless shot. Malibar took care of another.
Volke had trouble with his opponent but i managed to convince the Cleric to accompany me to Volke’s location. After DM distracted the Ninja I managed to land an attack which released Volke from his grasp. In the end, the Ninja trips impaling himself on my arrow.

Continuing our journey we stumble upon a group of traveling gypsies, we discover a head on a spike. When we learned of the spike’s intelligence and skills we decide to steal the spike head in hopes that he could tell us where we could find the Drow King.

We gained some good information from the stick-head. Callum even seemed to become good friends with the head. I do not recall his name… The head told us of a parade which the Drow King was having, and together came up with several plans:

Plan A:
I ask DM to distract the city with several simultaneous natural sky phenomenons, then Ulf and I go all out in an attempt to assassinate the King.

Plan B:
Callum intimidates crowd into killing the King. The rest of the group helps with in the crowd to stir them up.

Plan C:
Volke waits at the palace to assassinate the King as he attempts to make a speech.

Needless to say plans did not go the way we had hoped..

During plan A, the King was teleported out and a Rilkan of Lightning took his place. When Ulf’s shields made contact with the Rilkan, he fled, teleporting back to wherever it is he came from I presume.

Truth Cannot Be Destroyed

Volke FINALLY opened his vault and set of my and Callum’s surprise! It was epic. Enough said.

Dm did not care….

The Not So Long War between 33,000 and... Callum?
statues shall be covered.

I may not have time to write much for the time being. We have a huge battle coming up… So I will probably forget most of what happened. So I will say this now. If after these next few sentences, I fail to continue logging our journey, then we have failed this city. We had failed this world.
All I know is that Callum can be ultimately intimidating sometimes (9,000+ Intimidate).

The Bloody Axe/ Tunnel of Darkness

The Company splits into three groups and I help Ulf find some men in Hellish guard uniforms. I steal some scripted documents and Ulf decodes one of them. After decoding it Ulf, Callum, and I knock out some guards and kidnap one of them— retreating to a spider-silk factory in Hoth to question the guard for any more information.
After interigating the guard— Simmons was his name— we manage to get secret information from his sergeant— Sarg— the man with the really loose tongue. I manage to steal a bag of holding from him— it contains 73 scatter-shot crossbows inside (make sure you sell some J’ki, they may give some good money).
We gain a harp from the Arch Mage.
Ulf gets an axe— its blood red.

For Malibar’s Deity. The group enters The Tunnel of Darkness, to attempt to save a group of Amazing Dwarfs. We sense a secret room to the immediate right. Lying in the center of the room lies Trouble’s Chest.
Inside the chest is a set of Black Armor. Magnum touched the armor resulted in everyone being transferred to some other plane— It is dark and shadowy?—We follow Malabar and Magnum down multiple hallways and_____________________________
We return to the beginning of the multiple hallways. We take different tunnels this time—Resulting in the group being taken. We find 8 square slots on the third attempt down the hallways.
Ulf and I get seperated from the others and and cannot remember the way. And as a result of our stupidity, Evie comes and brings us back to our own plane.

The Day I Got a Pony
FOR PONY!!!!!!!

While in the realm of the dead I gain an Undead Pony who has a monocle and top hat.

The group decides to help Volke gain the favor of his deity by saving a group of Khajit slaves as well as killing their enslavers –via explosions—of course I was happy to help out, they are my people after all.
We blew up a boat—no we fought over how to blow up a boat—The Almighty DM threw rocks at everyone (“ALL HAIL!!!” Throws chocolate into the air)—we all deserved it…
We find the true slaver group that we were supposed to go after. It takes all night for Malibar to get a good idea about the surrounding area.
Colt makes a distraction. I steal many sets of keys—set Khajits free—The Khajit start proclaiming that the Legendary Crimson has come to save them—hearing this—I look around for the Amazing man—- no luck.

We go on a quest for Colt to find a Dragon’s egg in the Land of the Kobolds. We find a single egg and I discover the dragon is invisible, sleeping, and just manage to alert everyone before Colt materializes to take the egg. Malibar materializes and wakes the mother dragon to agitate her.
DM saved me from the Dragon’s frightful presence with anime eyes and blush faces.
We ended up killing the dragon—well Vier did

The Cat Returns
New Arrows

After waking up in a field of catnip I slowly begin searching for my companions.

Rolling into Port Landith of Hoth, a force halts my wheel. I look past the wood to find Vier and Ulf.
All of a sudden I am back on the outskirts of Port Landith and had to jump out of my wheel before it smashed into anything. Then returned to where my company was gathered.

We set off to—where were we going again? Oh well, it does not really matter. I shall just follow Callum and his new girlfriend—was it Melody? I can not be sure—to our next destination.

Colt makes a gift of a large spider—it has become somewhat of a backpack—and we come up to two guards.

One of the guards may be a litch—not sure—he ran off. Ulf causes a problem with the second guard which was soon corrected. I follow Ulf inside—did Callum follow?—can not be sure.

We head to the tavern. I see what I think is Melody attempting to drink—a glass was hovering and its contents spilled onto the tavern floorboards.

Ulf talks to the barkeep—heard about a black orb on the outside of town—Ulf bargains a deal to get the orb dissipated. A man was stabbed 12 times in the foot—bled out or so he says—but no information about the litch. Demon attacks from demons or so he claims—from the North—by the river. He mentions a “blood valley”.

I find Callum standing beside a defeated Undead as well as dead—killed?—vagabond lying at the feat of his six deadly spider.

We head to the Valley of Blood and enter a tunnel that runs about 1,000 miles. The spiders stop thousands and thousands of undead from leaving the tunnel. I found a trap—let Ulf handle it. We find a library—each shelf contained books—each shelf has a different color—each self has one white book. We solve a puzzle.

I managed to shoot an undead in the eye but it does not seem to make much of a difference.

Ulf made me special arrows which inflict extra damage on undead.

Callum, Magnum, and Callum’s spiders frolic in undead ashes.

I stole Magnum’s Jar of Dirt. I think it is important.

Apparently Colt got his wolf companion pregnant…

A pebble burst into flames in a treasure chest.

The One Where I Got a Girlfriend
Or, y'know, a cursed ring.

Welcome! To Mount of the Forgotten Treasures! The game show where you either die in utter terror, or win… in utter terror. When last we left off, our contestants were deciding which door they would choose.

Colt: Psst, hey goblin. you want door #4.

Oh, it looks like goblin 37 is going for door #4! aaaaaaaand… He melds with it! so much for goblin 37.

Colt: Hey goblin. You want door #4.
Goblin: no?

OH! Colt just kicked goblin 36 into the door! he melded with it too. Bye bye goblin 36. better luck next time. or, y’know.. not.

Colt: let’s take this goblin off the door and throw it into the other one.

Now they’re breaking the arm off the still living darkwood goblin, preparing to throw him at door #2. He magically shatters! so much for saving goblin 37.

Cal: Goblin. lick door 3.

Goblin 35 goes to door #3.. and.. licks it? Oh God! that’s horrifying! He turns inside out! Oh, it looks like the group is dispelling the magic. and it only took several goblin deaths. They decide to split up! how will this fare for our contestants? Find out, after this commercial break.

Psst. are you out there? can you hear me? listen, I don’t have much time. I have to get out of here or I’ll die. I need—

And we’re back! Volke is watching a.. tentacle.. thing.. down hallway 4, and some others are in a dark room killing a dark thing with the help of their angels and a light-thing down hallway 2. After killing it, the group awkwardly and uncomfortably gathers around a shaft, and decides to go elsewhere. they travel down hallway 1, where they find… A brand new spiral staircase!! Congratulations contestants. Have fun probably meeting your doom later. Join us next time on Mount of the Forgotten Treasures!

Stupid staircase. I wanted a car. Ah well.

it took about two days to travel down the staircase. The first day, we found a random ring. It was love at first sight. It was my precious. We passed it without messing with it. volke looked back in paranoia. He started freaking out. I tried to run back to the ring but Malibar stopped me. Volke said he saw a girl covered in blood. She started singing, apparently. I danced to it. it was catchy. …probably. I tried to sneak over to the ring, but Colts angel held me back. I used my ventriloquism skills to escape, but Ulf held me up by the neck. everyone was trying to deal with Volke and his new friend. In a series of events I don’t quite remember, I was freed from Ulf’s grip and made it to the ring. I licked it. then another girl appeared, covered in blood. I put the ring on, and she stopped being covered in blood. I asked what her name was. she was silent for about two minutes straight. then I heard murmurs. “I dunno, what’s a girl’s name? uhh…” in the air around me. “Melody” she said. She told me she’d been here for a long time. I asked if she wanted to come with us. “I mean I don’t really have a choice…” No, like, do you want to though. “well it beats being stuck here forever.” and so I made a new friend.

She pointed out a random block that was out of place, and I remarked that it was indeed weird. we kept walking down the stairs. We waded through a river of blood, and found an island of bodies. upon this island was the behemoth. We made a boat out of freshly harvested goblin bodies… in front of their friends eyes… and I pushed the boat across. We did this awesome combo thing on the behemoth, and made it another new friend! isn’t that great melody? I said. “You forced it to be your slave!!” No, it’s just our friend now! we’re nice. we don’t make things our slaves… isn’t that right, goblins? I gesture to the seven remaining goblins who are having a celebratory rave for surviving. Colt tries to hold my hand, but Volke stops him. Good thing too. that was awkward. Ulf and I looked for other ways out, and found a well leading down. inside it was untold riches. That was when I found my hat. It was this super fancy nightcap with these holographic stars on it. And they can be used as shuriken!

“umm… I know. It literally just happened.” melody says. “what are you even doing this for anyways? you just got this hat and started listing off everything that happened the past few days.”
“whaat? psh… no… I.. that.. can you believe her, Volke?”
“who?” Volke replies
“see? he thinks you’re just overreacting, Melody. Now, let’s get out of here, life can’t be all fun and games. We’ve got adventures to go on! You coming melody?”

Fun Times at the Amusement Park
the one with the screaming skulls.

Once, a long, long time ago…
like, 4 hours ago.
Shut up.

A long time ago, a ragtag group of adventurers randomly teleported to what seemed to be the inside of a vault, where they started trying to break into a vault. One of them, a fair haired and charming Xeph, happened upon a fanciful robe. No, you don’t understand, like, a really fancy robe. The likes of such fancifulocity the world has never seen. It’s all fluffy and comfy and I think it’s probably got ducks on it or something. If I had a robe like that, I’d never take it off. …but we d— DON’T MAKE ME BREAK CHARACTER! Ahem. bless you. Then, tired of shouting TRUTH! at a door and hearing clicks and WOOOOOMs, they teleported somewhere random. Or maybe they teleported to where that dude in the classy black get up told them to. you didn’t pay enough attention again, did you? Shut up, you try paying attention while you’re yammering in your own ear. I do. and I succeed. Just.. let me take over here. I’m better at focusing anyway. You always do this… shut up.

We teleported to the mountain of the stuff, and I got friendly with some local darkness. eventually we get to the bottom of a 3,500 foot hole somehow and start walking down a corridor. There were skulls with glowing eyes making up the walls, and whispered screams of souls tortured beyond all recognition, and unspeakable horrific monstrosities prowling the streets of a shadowy, macabre city. I was aghast! it wasn’t even my birthday! I started scouting the area out, and 38 minutes and 17 seconds later, we heard a thing and decided to go down a corridor. We found a room covered in ice, looked around, Vier went down some stairs. Some goblins ran into the room and died. Some goblins ran down the stairs and died. Some goblins ran into the next room and died. Some goblins didn’t die. We went to the next room. We found the goblins that died. We found some.. friendly wildlife eating the goblins. Brunstyrr threw some goblins at them. The goblins died. I sang them the song of my people. things happened. They died. Volke tried to throw stuff at me, and failed. I figured this would be a good time to tell a story. It goes as follows:

Side Mission
Razor's Log 2

Just before we set off to my homeland, Chantos and I were held back by Mortis. Before I could protest, he said he had a special mission for me because I was the only one of the group who could without being ethereal. He needed to deliver a magical stone to “The Fools” as he called them, and he also needed to inform his other servants that their mission coincides with “The Fools” mission, and that they were to aid them should the need arise. I was to make it seem that the stone actually came from the sky like a meteorite. As always, both Chantos and I were not to be seen. So we ventured forth to the land of Tarnic. After spotting the group 30 ft away, I flew up into the air and performed a dive-bombing maneuver. Just before I made my pass, I released the stone and Phantom Shifted, giving the impression that the stone was in fact a meteorite. As I watched the group interact with each other, I completely understood why Mortis refers to them as “The Fools”.

Chantos and I set out for the town of The Canyon, which took us 3 days. Having Chantos discovered an electrifying chest, we gained what we later found out to be a summoning gem. And we found out because Chantos activated it and disappeared. I also found, and again later found out, a Griffon egg, which will hatch in between 1 month-2 weeks. We finally made it to The Canyon and delivered the message to two unsavory individuals, a really really big man and a much smaller man but still one who can chill your blood.

I returned back to Mortis and I’m now waiting for my comrades to return. I find myself wondering where Chantos was teleported to, but I also really don’t care, the dude creeped me out.


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